What’s wrong with me?

Honestly, I don’t know.  I do know that I am not happy with certain aspects of my life right now and changes need to be made.  To give you a brief run down.  My boyfriend and I got back together, a couple of days after our split.  We had several talks and made a vow to improve our communication and commitment to one another; and place more of an emphasis on being together.  I have to say, I do love him…I can’t believe I just typed that…but it’s true, I love him…I do not know where this relationship will take me, but I’m willing to see where it goes…at least for now…

Family – I can honestly say that I am over my family…it has been a long time coming, but I have finally reached my breaking point.  I love my mom to pieces, but the rest of my family…I could really do with out.  I know I have said it before, but I am going to take a break from communicating and interacting with them for a while.

Friends – I have mixed feelings about a few of them at the moment.  It’s like a continuous cycle with some people.  I think I’m ready to cut ties with a couple of friends I have had for a long time, but it is so hard.  How do you tell someone who you’ve loved and depended on for many years that you no longer want to be involved (or just don’t think we have that many things in common anymore)?  I have had a couple of experiences this summer with a few friends, that haven’t been pleasant or as pleasant as they should have been and I’ve been left wondering, why am I dealing with this?  Seriously, at my age, I shouldn’t have to deal with rude, obnoxious and inconsiderate people, right?

School – My grad advisor is getting on my last nerves.  She completely blindsided me this week with her words and actions and now I am left pondering if this is someone I want to continue working with as I complete my dissertation work.  I don’t trust her and I do not think she has my best interest at heart.  In fact, she has not afforded me the same opportunities she’s given her other students (even though I have asked for them), which is frustrating at best.  I’m at a crossroads at the moment; do I go with my gut and drop my advisor or do I weather the storm and continue working with her?

Work – Funny thing, work has actually been fabulous.  I have really been getting along with everyone and enjoying my environment more…who knew?

Health – I’m going to keep this section short…basically I need to lose weight!  I’m happy my boyfriend loves me the way I am, but I don’t love the weight I am right now…so something’s gotta give!

With all that said, I believe in change and new beginnings; however I need to make a plan and stick to it.  I don’t mean to sound like a sour puss as I have a lot to be really thankful for…but things can be better.  Hell, things need to get better…here’s to making a plan and sticking to it…

I’m back…

Man, it feels good to be typing again for pleasure.  Life has been very interesting these last couple of months.  Yes, I’m still in a relationship (but honestly, I don’t know for how much longer).  I’m learning slowly but surely that relationships are a lot of hard work and I realize that I might not be up for the challenge this time around, but I’m trying.  Work and school have really taken a toll on me this year (both physically and mentally) and summer vacation cannot come soon enough.  I have a great deal of travel in store for June and July, so I’m excited about that.   The “ex” is still emailing me, but I’m learning to delete and not respond to his messages anymore.  My circle of friends has gotten smaller (but stronger), which has been a welcomed surprise.  My weight-loss goals have gone to the wayside; although I hope to lose a good 20-30lbs before July.  We’ll see how that goes…Honestly, I’m just tired and in need of a serious vacation.

Weekly Update…

As I reflect on the past seven days, I have to admit, I have had one incredible week.  I kicked it off with a lovely brunch with my BFF (who was in town visiting), her family and friends.  It was an enlightening meal and I got a glimpse of what true friendship looks like 40-50 years down the road.  I can only hope and pray to God that in 40 years, I’ll be able to celebrate my 68th birthday surrounded by my family and best friends.

The week proceeded with a great deal of school work (papers, projects and presentations).  At the moment, I’m still working on one last paper and a few last-minute projects for school and have a ton of paperwork piling up on my desk at work; but somehow I’ll get through it.

Funny thing, the “ex” has stopped emailing me.  Granted, it has only been a week, but a week without any contact from him, is a step in the right direction.  And I have to be honest; once I stopped fighting him; things have sort of died down and he’s lost interest.  Yay!!

I talk to “the perfect guy” like everyday, whether it is via email, phone or text.  I think he and I are destined to be life long friends, not lovers, just friends.  Which I’m perfectly okay with me.  I think every woman needs a good group of male friends to hangout with and confide in.  But with everything, I am taking it one day at a time.

And finally, so I really have mixed feelings for the gentleman I am seeing at the moment.  I feel he wants to take things to the next level and I’m afraid, it is too much too soon.  I have a great deal of trepidation and concern about entering a relationship (of any kind) with him (because I need more time to really get to know him), however I also don’t want to let my own fear get in the way of something that could be special.

Going into this week, I have a great deal on my plate; however everything will get down in due time.  I need to clean and organize my home as I am hosting a get together this week and I also need to get ready for upcoming changes at school.  Here’s hoping I have another great week with more time to blog and respond!

So much to share…so little time…

The last two weeks have been insane…school, work, friends and men.  I’ve never experienced this type of activity before.  Update coming very soon…

Checking in…

I have had an amazing yet busy week and a half with my family and friends.  Once I catch up on sleep, work and get oriented to my new classes…I will be back to share.  Wow…this year is already off to a very productive start…