Diary of a Single, Successful and Complicated Woman

I’m a 30 year-old woman trying to make it day to day, in this crazy thing we call life…

Epiphany….

So……I have had an interesting week, to say the least, but I wanted to share an epiphany I unearthed.  I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she asked me how my ex-boyfriend was doing.  I paused and thought about it as I had not seen him since the Holiday Season.  I sort of stuttered “He’s doing okay, at least the last time I saw him, he looked good.”  Our conversation continued, but for some strange reason, I could not help but feel guilty about not really knowing how he was doing.

To remedy that strange feeling, I gave my ex a call.  He answered and we exchanged pleasantries for a couple of minutes.  Then the interrogation began.  He asked me about work, school and my love life; the latter caught me off guard.  To be honest, I really have been focusing on myself, work and school…so I told him as much.  Apparently, he had just gotten out of a long distance relationship.  REALLY!?!?  Funny thing, I did not really care.  Good for him!  However, when he mentioned he had traveled, out-of-state, twice to see her in a six month period, I felt a little disrespected.

You see, I was with my ex for a little over a year and he was anti-taking public transportation to come see me.  So, I always had to go to him.  Yup, that’s right…he had no car as he was a broke, grad student…I guess I was going through a phase…but I digress.  Somehow, this new girl was able to get him to not only leave the state, but he got on a plane and paid for it…not once, but twice!!  I was impressed and again, I told him as much.

Hence, my epiphany…basically, you cannot make someone do something they do not want to do.  Ergo…all the begging, pleading and asking will not change anything, if the other person is not invested and/or care.  I know this is common sense..but DAMN…it took me talking to my Ex about his last relationship for me to realize this.  Shaking My Head (SMH)…what a shame!  However, this epiphany is so timely, as I am trying to figure out what to do with the guy that has me Chasing Pavements.

But wait…I heard this Bonnie Raitt song at the dentist’s office this morning and it solidified my epiphany!  Sigh…

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Looking Towards 2012…

During this holiday break, I have had a chance to re-examine my blog and while I have been very honest with my feelings and thoughts…I have also spent a great deal of time being negative and dwelling on the past.

One of my goals for 2012 is to be more positive and have a more optimistic outlook on life.  I know I cannot run from my past…but I can learn from it and change my destructive ways, nasty habits and patterns.

I have many goals, hopes and dreams for 2012.  I really need to focus on myself (mind, body and soul), get organized and financially fit.

I’m sure I have yet to say it…but 2011 was a great year for me…I learned a lot about myself and the people around me.  And I looking forward to continuing that growth process in 2012…

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Random emails…

So…here we are in 2010 and I’m still getting emails from the “ex.”  Nothing of worth really, just random forwards every week or two.  The problem…towards the end of last year, I told him to leave me alone and never contact me again.  That lasted about a month and now, I see his email address in my inbox every week.  I don’t know what else to do or what else I can say to him.  I don’t want to contact him…b/c I promised myself I wouldn’t anymore…but I really want him to delete me from all of his contact lists.

Sigh…I don’t know what to do.  I wish I could block his email address…but I can’t, for some reason my account doesn’t allow it…I tried filtering his emails…but then I found myself checking to see if he did indeed email me…which defeats the point.  I just want to move on…sad thing…everytime, I get close to moving on, I get an email from him.  It’s like he knows just when to suck me back in.  I’m tired of thinking about him and hoping he’d realize what a great catch I am.

Sigh…I don’t know what to do.

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Looking towards 2010…

During this holiday break, I have had a chance to re-examine my blog and while I have been very honest with my feelings and thoughts…I have also spent a great deal of time being negative and dwelling on the past.

One of my goals for 2010 is to be more positive and have a more optimistic outlook on life.  I know I cannot run from my past…but I can learn from it and change my destructive ways, nasty habits and patterns.

I have many goals, hopes and dreams for 2010…interesting enough…none of them include a man.  I really need to focus on myself (mind, body and soul), get organized and financially fit.

I’m sure I have yet to say it…but 2009 was a great year for me…I learned a lot about myself and the people around me.  And I looking forward to continuing that growth process in 2010…

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