Where do I start?!?

First let me apologize for my long absence.  The last month has been very hectic, exciting, trying and exhausting.  At the moment, I felt like I really needed to write on my blog, even though I’m at school and should really be working on a paper that is due tomorrow…

So, let me backup and start from where I left off…so the “ex” and I are still communicating.  Don’t ask me why, because honestly, I don’t have an answer for you.  For some reason, he has done everything in his power to keep the lines of communication between the two of us open.  I take that back, he’s done everything in his power via email, to keep the lines of communication between the two of us open.  Funny thing is, I really don’t care anymore.  I told him repeatedly to stop emailing and texting and he’d stop for a short period of time and then continued, like nothing had happened.  Last November, I’d finally had enough and ceased all communication with him, that lasted like a month and a half and then I began receiving random forwards from him again.  At first, I ignored his emails, blocked his email address, sent his emails to spam, but the emails kept coming.  Again, I asked him to stop!  However, for some reason now he wants to be my friend…he wants updates on my life…wants to go out to dinner and catch up!  Whoa…hold on there, why now?  Why do you care all of a sudden?  Answer, really, he had no answer, but this is what I hypothesized…he lost his job a while back and has a lot of time on his hands…and what are idle hands supposed do?  I hate to kick a man while he’s down, although he seems to have taken his new unemployment status very well.  Needless to say, I have resigned myself to not stress out about him.  I’m not thinking about us getting back together, because honestly, he’s not good enough for me and we are in two different places right now.  He’s not a leader, cannot provide for or protect me (I’ll come back to these three things in another blog later).  He’s just not the man who I want and need.  However, if the idea of us being friends gives him peace at night, who am I to take that away from him; even though I know the truth…we are not friends now or will ever be again…

Sigh…yet another man from my past has re-entered my life.  This time it’s all my fault.  I caught myself trying to do a nice deed for one of my co-workers and now I’m regretting even contacting him.  I know I’ve mentioned him before, he’s the “Perfect Guy” in my And then there were none blog.  Basically, we’ve been on and off friends throughout the years and most recently, he just stopped talking to me out of the blue for no reason two years ago.  I was shocked and caught off guard, seeing that I had just helped him through a pretty bad breakup and listened to his endless stories at random hours of the night, but whatever.  One of my co-workers needed help and I knew he was the man who could help.  So, I had one of my friends send him my contact info, because I no longer had his current information.  It took him about a week, but he did email me and to no one’s fault but my own; we picked up right back where we left off.  However, this time, I let him know, just how much of a jerk he had been the last time we were in contact with one another.  Long story short, we started emailing each other over 10-20 times a day…nothing serious…just back and forth banter…until yesterday.  Basically, he thought we were cooler than we really were.  He and I are not friends, we don’t talk on a regular basis, we don’t hang out, however, I know that…he apparently did not!  He was living in some wonderland where he and I were friends and he knew all about me.  He made an assumption about me that was completely incorrect…however he made the mistake of saying it out loud…I quickly checked him and told him we should limit out email communication.  I doubt that I will hear from him again, because I think I hurt his feelings, but whatever, I’m tired of letting people say and do things to me that are wrong.  And in all honesty, again, he and I are not friends now or will ever be in the future…

Sigh…remember the older man I went out with a couple of weeks ago?  Well, he’s still in the picture.  He apologized for his inappropriateness and really wants to spend time with me; however, I am still unsure about him.  Talking to him is like talking to a philosophy professor; he’s so theoretical and intelligent.  It’s hard to have a normal conversation with him.  I’ve learned a great deal about his past life, his kids (oh yeah, did I mention he has two GROWN children) and current research interests, but I really don’t know anything about him and vice versa.  I think we are both playing it very tight (I don’t know about him but I am in no mood to get hurt again).  He’s been wanting to go out again or grab a cup of coffee and I’ve been putting him off with being busy with school or work.  I do enjoy his company; however I hate the fact that he doesn’t drive!  He’s not the first man I’ve dated who didn’t drive, but it kind of puts a damper on things.  I want to be picked up and dropped off, hell, I want to get a little tipsy at dinner too, but I can’t because, you guessed it…I’m driving.  All in all, I’ll probably keep him around, because unlike the other two, I really would like to be his friend, if nothing else.  And he’s making plans for us to do things in the upcoming months…I think he wants to be in a relationship with me…Oh My!  I haven’t been in one of those in a long time…but only time will tell…

Guess who just sent me a text message…the “Perfect Guy” and I thought I’d never hear from him again after yesterday…go figure!  MEN!

Random Emails…part III

Update…so I had a conversation with him via IM and made my intentions very clear.  While, it was a pleasant conversation and I appreciated the updates, I really wanted to cease communication with him.

He seemed to take it well and hopefully, he’ll respect my request.  But only time will tell…

I really wish there was some way he and I could be friends, because I really enjoy conversing with him, however I am not that strong.  I cannot be friends with him without catching feelings.  Basically, my life is so much easier when we do not communicate…

Random Emails – Update…

So, I asked the “ex” to stop emailing me.  I sent him a much nicer and less aggressive email, than I had sent in October of last year.

To my surprise, he responded by asking me how I had been doing and stating he had been thinking about me.  Now, I should have deleted his email, right then and there, but I didn’t.  Instead, I responded to him and we have communicated via email ever since.

Sigh, I had worked so hard to remove him from my life and now he’s back in the mix.  And I know, I have no one else to blame but myself.  Now look at me, I’m sitting here waiting for him to respond to the last email I sent him…Sigh!

Random emails…

So…here we are in 2010 and I’m still getting emails from the “ex.”  Nothing of worth really, just random forwards every week or two.  The problem…towards the end of last year, I told him to leave me alone and never contact me again.  That lasted about a month and now, I see his email address in my inbox every week.  I don’t know what else to do or what else I can say to him.  I don’t want to contact him…b/c I promised myself I wouldn’t anymore…but I really want him to delete me from all of his contact lists.

Sigh…I don’t know what to do.  I wish I could block his email address…but I can’t, for some reason my account doesn’t allow it…I tried filtering his emails…but then I found myself checking to see if he did indeed email me…which defeats the point.  I just want to move on…sad thing…everytime, I get close to moving on, I get an email from him.  It’s like he knows just when to suck me back in.  I’m tired of thinking about him and hoping he’d realize what a great catch I am.

Sigh…I don’t know what to do.

What a man…what a man… what a mighty good man!

So…instead of sleeping in today, I went to a research workshop.  The workshop itself was well attended and I learned a great deal about my methodology and my area of research.  I’m not going to lie, the workshop was a little longer than I would have liked…but I rolled with it.

During the workshop, I had an epiphany…there’s nothing sexier, than an educated man!  And an educated Black man, at that!! Get outta here!!

I was in total awe of one gentleman in particular.  He was articulate, funny, and very approachable.  I’d put him in his 30s, maybe late 30s (to early 40s) and he was tall, dark and handsome.  I really enjoyed talking to him and getting to know more about his research interests and background.

Shhhh…I kind of felt something that I haven’t felt in a long time.  I think I have a crush on him.  Hell, I know I have a crush on him.  After the workshop, I walked out with one of my girlfriends, but I went back to the classroom because I wanted to say goodbye to him…but he was nowhere to be found.  I turned around and walked out very disappointed but guess who walked up to me to say goodbye :O).

He gave me his card and told me I shouldn’t be a stranger and to email him, so he’d have my contact info.  I was so excited!!  Slightly bummed that he didn’t ask for my phone number outright…but I’ll take it.  Who knows…he might not have even been feeling me as much as I was feeling him…but at least I made a new friend, right…hopefully!

Again, only God knows!  I just know it felt good to flirt with someone, as I haven’t done that in a long time.  I really need to get out more and have a little more fun…