No More Text Messages…

So….I have decided that I am no longer going to entertain a certain gentleman’s text messages.  I am over it…tired, bored and in need of something real.

Epiphany….

So……I have had an interesting week, to say the least, but I wanted to share an epiphany I unearthed.  I was talking to one of my girlfriends and she asked me how my ex-boyfriend was doing.  I paused and thought about it as I had not seen him since the Holiday Season.  I sort of stuttered “He’s doing okay, at least the last time I saw him, he looked good.”  Our conversation continued, but for some strange reason, I could not help but feel guilty about not really knowing how he was doing.

To remedy that strange feeling, I gave my ex a call.  He answered and we exchanged pleasantries for a couple of minutes.  Then the interrogation began.  He asked me about work, school and my love life; the latter caught me off guard.  To be honest, I really have been focusing on myself, work and school…so I told him as much.  Apparently, he had just gotten out of a long distance relationship.  REALLY!?!?  Funny thing, I did not really care.  Good for him!  However, when he mentioned he had traveled, out-of-state, twice to see her in a six month period, I felt a little disrespected.

You see, I was with my ex for a little over a year and he was anti-taking public transportation to come see me.  So, I always had to go to him.  Yup, that’s right…he had no car as he was a broke, grad student…I guess I was going through a phase…but I digress.  Somehow, this new girl was able to get him to not only leave the state, but he got on a plane and paid for it…not once, but twice!!  I was impressed and again, I told him as much.

Hence, my epiphany…basically, you cannot make someone do something they do not want to do.  Ergo…all the begging, pleading and asking will not change anything, if the other person is not invested and/or care.  I know this is common sense..but DAMN…it took me talking to my Ex about his last relationship for me to realize this.  Shaking My Head (SMH)…what a shame!  However, this epiphany is so timely, as I am trying to figure out what to do with the guy that has me Chasing Pavements.

But wait…I heard this Bonnie Raitt song at the dentist’s office this morning and it solidified my epiphany!  Sigh…

Quick question…

I saw this question on another blog and stole it…thought it was interesting.  Yikes, honestly, I don’t know!  As I believe it totally depends on the situation.  But that is just me…now I’m posing the question to you:

*********************************************************************************************************************************

Is it okay to stop speaking to and associating with friends that remains friendly with your “Ex” (a person who hurt you badly)?

Yes…No…Maybe…depends on the situation?  What do you think?

Well…hello there, old Friend…

During my birthday weekend a couple of months ago, I had the pleasure of ringing in the big 30 with a number of my new and old friends!  On one night in particular; a friend and I were reminiscing about our college days…Yikes!  I was not the nicest person in college; however I digress.

My friend brought up a Spring Break trip a group of us had taken during our last year in college.  The trip was your typical Girls Gone Wild type of adventure with a bunch of college girls crammed into a small hotel room.  It was not how I envisioned spending my last Spring Break in college.  All of the drinking, smoking, and club hopping…just was not my idea of a good, relaxing time.  Basically, I was having a miserable time and called one of my best friends to vent about it.  I guess I must have sounded so sad because before I knew it, my BFF offered to come and pick me up.  After she got off of work and drove about six to seven hours at night to our Spring Break destination.  By the time she arrived, I was already packed and ready to go!  I thanked her immensely as there was no way I was going to survive a week in that hellhole.

I’m retelling this story, because I realized that I have had a lot of really GREAT friends in my life!  But I felt so bad that I had totally forgotten about that trip and had lost touch with my old BFF.  She was my best friend in junior high, high school and during my college years.  Growing up, we did everything together.  Her family was like my second family and her mother, like a second mother to me.  Over the years, our lives have gone in two different directions.  She is married (now separated and heading for a divorce), mother of two and I stayed the course with school, work and now graduate school.  However, we recently began talking again on Facebook of all places and I was sad to learn she was having such a hard time.  I’m hoping to spend some time with her when I go home for the Christmas Holiday.

I was reminded this past weekend that friends, and by that I mean really good friends, are hard to come by.  And that I should be very thankful for the life that I have….sometimes it is easy to forget that.

“A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often – just to save it from drying out completely“. – Pam Brown

Holiday Fun and Learning to Let Go

I had an amazing Thanksgiving Holiday Weekend!!  The time away with my family was really needed.  Being home now, I realize that I miss and love them more and more each day.  I am a pretty lucky person as I have a great family!  I might not say it or think it all the time; however I am very thankful for the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, God has bestowed upon me.

I also got to spend some time with a few old friends…and even was hit up by an old flame.  You know, life sometimes is funny!  What is it about the Holidays that makes people nostalgic for days gone by…aka the past?

I know sometimes I am guilty of this; however I try my best and hardest not to actually make that phone call or send that text.  What’s the point?  An Ex is an Ex for a reason, right?  The funny thing is that this Ex has a particular pattern…I typically get a text message, email or note on facebook either around his birthday (which is in February) or my birthday and/or around Thanksgiving or Christmas.  He’s so predictable like that and I do not know if he is aware that A.) He has this pattern or B.) That I know about this pattern or C.) That I wish he would just leave me alone.

I know I ALWAYS have the option to not respond or engage in any kind of communication with him…however what fun would that be, right?  WRONG!!  I am slowly starting to realize that it is time to start letting go.  Not just of him, but of the old person I used to be and all of the things that come with it…such as old friends, memories (both good and bad), habits and behaviors.  There is a new ME emerging and I am quite excited about these new changes.  At least, most of the time, I am.

But I found a wonderful passage that helped me put things into perspective:

“In life, there’s many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves.

It’s easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you’ve formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it’s time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.

However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it’s necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.

Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it’ll serve as a roadblock to love.

Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming.“

Change can be a scary and isolating thing to experience; although it is needed from time to time.  I am hoping that the changes and decisions I am making now, will place me on a path of happiness and contentment.  As the year winds down…here’s to not waiting until New Year’s Eve to start making changes!!