“The very person you find it hardest to forgive is the one you need to let go of the most. Forgiveness means letting go. It has nothing to do with condoning behavior, it’s just letting the whole thing go. We do not have to know how to forgive. All we need to do is be willing to forgive. The Universe will take care of the hows.” -Louise L. Hay
Sometimes Being Alone IS a Good Thing…
Sometimes, life gets so busy, crazy, loud and/or insane, that I just want to lock myself in a room and watch Law & Order Episodes all day. No, I’m not depressed or sad or anything like that. I just really enjoy being by myself sometimes. While I wish I could spend the day in bed, catching up on all my missed shows, sleeping and just enjoying the day…I know that I cannot because at the end of the day, I have bills, a job, graduate school and people who are counting on me everyday.
But, I’m not going to lie…I love like being alone. However, other people do not always like it when I enforce this necessary refueling mechanism. And then in turn, I feel really guilty for needing my time and space. However, the passage below was just what I needed to realize that sometimes, you have to really just take care of yourself!
“There are times when we all feel as if we need to be alone. We just want to get away from everyone and everything and be alone. Sometimes we may feel guilty or selfish for thinking this way, but it is perfectly normal. To be alone is the best thing we can do for ourselves. When we are alone, we have an opportunity to get in touch with, to talk to and be guided by our power source. Spirit. So go ahead, and don’t feel bad about saying it, “I want to be alone.”” – Iyanla Vanzant
A year later…we are finally done…
My boyfriend and I would have celebrated our one year anniversary last Sunday; however I made a huge mistake! Instead of thinking about US…I was only thinking about MYSELF and now we are no more. That’s right, with one small swoop, I completely demolished a relationship we had been working on for a year.
Sigh…I’m still very much in mourning of our relationship. I never thought I would be one of those women in the bathroom at work, crying in a stall…but that was me on Wednesday. I find myself crying and being sad at the most random times…picture Diane Keaton’s character in Something’s Gotta Give. I’ve been a total mess this entire week.
It’s so hard to go from spending time with someone and talking to them everyday (multiple times a day) to nothing. I just don’t know how men (and some women) do that. Even during the messiest of breakups, I still long for the companionship that was once shared.
I wanted so badly to be loved and in a relationship, that I completely let my guard down. For the first time, I had something I had never experienced before…I was in love with a man who loved me just as much if not more than I loved him. However, I realized that love was just not enough. In the end, I think our age difference, values and lifestyles did us in. When it was good…our relationship was really great…but when it was bad…our relationship was horrible.
With that said…I love (and miss) him a great deal and will probably always love him.
However, sometimes love just isn’t enough…
Random Emails…part III
Update…so I had a conversation with him via IM and made my intentions very clear. While, it was a pleasant conversation and I appreciated the updates, I really wanted to cease communication with him.
He seemed to take it well and hopefully, he’ll respect my request. But only time will tell…
I really wish there was some way he and I could be friends, because I really enjoy conversing with him, however I am not that strong. I cannot be friends with him without catching feelings. Basically, my life is so much easier when we do not communicate…
