Diary of a Single, Successful and Complicated Woman

I’m a 30 year-old woman trying to make it day to day, in this crazy thing we call life…

Married for 63 Years…Say What?!?

Morning!  So, if you did not know by now, I am a morning person!  I have been to Mass, Target and the Grocery Store, all before 10:30 am!  Yes, I know, the weekend is for sleeping in…but sleeping in, is not in my vocabulary.  But I digress, Mass today was amazing.  The readings and the homily all really spoke to me; however it was the end of Mass that really got to me.

The Priest got up and said…”we have an anniversary we would like to recognize.”  I was a little confused, but I went with it.  The Priest went on…”will So and So, please come up to the altar and everyone please stand.”  So and So walked up to the altar and the Priest asked us all to stand up and raise our hands to bless them as he read a prayer.  He asked God to continue to bless their 63 year-old union and give them the strength to continue on together, not only for themselves, but for their children (and grandchildren).  We all said, “AMEN” and the couple kissed.

It was the sweetest, most romantic thing, I have observed in a long time.  Even after all these years, romance was still in the air.  The husband looked so delighted, proud and just HAPPY… and his wife looked equally as pleased; however a bit surprised.  This show of commitment and devotion really warmed my heart.  And it made me realize, I WANT THAT TOO!!

At my age, I’d have to meet my partner pretty soon to compete with this fete.  63 Years is an AMAZING accomplishment and I hope they have many more years of wedded bliss to come!  Over the years, I have been pretty “iffy” about marriage…now I know, it is something that I want and need to actively pursue.

But to do so, I really need to let go of the relationship baggage that has been weighing me down the last 10 years.  My mother recommended this book about Letting Go to me; Let It Go: Forgive So You Can Be Forgiven, by T. D. Jakes.  I ordered it and it arrived yesterday.  I plan on reading a bit of it a day and seeing how it goes.  Wish me luck!

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Never Would Have Made It…

In a yucky kind of mood right now…but this song always makes me feel better…

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Apparently, I am walking into the dark…

I have blogged about this before; however I really felt the need to revisit this post.  Recently, I have found myself not interested in going to mass or praying and it really scares me; because God has been such an important part of my life.  My brother and BFF have both recommitted themselves to living a more Christian lifestyle and to be honest, I want to follow suit, but I need help!  So, I’m reposting this previous post in hopes that it will rejuvenate my spirit…

I woke up this morning with the best of intentions to attend services.  I set my favorite Sunday morning shows to be DVR’d so I wouldn’t miss anything.  But that still didn’t work.

The devil got me again….actual my lack of desire got me again.  Where has my faith gone?  I used to attend services every Sunday, but now…not so much.  I think my unhappiness (men confusion, busy work and school schedule and life) has clouded my perception of the importance of Sunday services.

Funny thing is I always feel better at the conclusion of services.  Somehow, he has a way of lifting my spirits and giving me hope…but then bullshit life happens and I’m right back where I started, unhappy, unmotivated and confused.

Again, where has my faith gone and when will it come back?  I really miss it….

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To worship or not to worship…

I’m going to be a hypocrite for a moment, because I’m going to talk about a subject I typically keep private and totally loath when other people talk about it on their blogs…but here goes…

I totally need to find a new worshiping parish.  Yesterday, I found myself very disinterested and distracted during the homily and it sucked.  I have tried to get into this church, but nothing has worked.  I really want to improve my relationship with God, join a young adult group and bible study…but I don’t want to get over my head.  First, I just need to find a place that doesn’t bore me to tears.

Honestly, I feel weird about blogging about this topic, because I was taught that your faith and religion is something you practice in private and not necessarily talk about or wear on your sleeve for everyone to see; however I really feel that building a strong foundation in God will definitely help on my road to forgiveness and self-awareness…I just need to get out and start testing the waters…

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Over it…

I have to be completely honest, at this moment and time, I am OVER people.  I’m over men…over fake friends…friends you bend over backwards for but then don’t hear from them in months or in your own time of need…over friends that only want to chat with you when they have a problem…over people who only communicate via email, text or via facebook…over lame co-workers, classmates and professors.

The only things I’m not over are God…my family…my real friends…life and true love.  Today, is the beginning of the rest of my life and I’m happy to leave the past in the past and look to my brighter future.

I’m tired of letting others’ opinions of me, dictate how I do things.  2010 is going to be my coming out year of some sorts…

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