Married for 63 Years…Say What?!?

Morning!  So, if you did not know by now, I am a morning person!  I have been to Mass, Target and the Grocery Store, all before 10:30 am!  Yes, I know, the weekend is for sleeping in…but sleeping in, is not in my vocabulary.  But I digress, Mass today was amazing.  The readings and the homily all really spoke to me; however it was the end of Mass that really got to me.

The Priest got up and said…”we have an anniversary we would like to recognize.”  I was a little confused, but I went with it.  The Priest went on…”will So and So, please come up to the altar and everyone please stand.”  So and So walked up to the altar and the Priest asked us all to stand up and raise our hands to bless them as he read a prayer.  He asked God to continue to bless their 63 year-old union and give them the strength to continue on together, not only for themselves, but for their children (and grandchildren).  We all said, “AMEN” and the couple kissed.

It was the sweetest, most romantic thing, I have observed in a long time.  Even after all these years, romance was still in the air.  The husband looked so delighted, proud and just HAPPY… and his wife looked equally as pleased; however a bit surprised.  This show of commitment and devotion really warmed my heart.  And it made me realize, I WANT THAT TOO!!

At my age, I’d have to meet my partner pretty soon to compete with this fete.  63 Years is an AMAZING accomplishment and I hope they have many more years of wedded bliss to come!  Over the years, I have been pretty “iffy” about marriage…now I know, it is something that I want and need to actively pursue.

But to do so, I really need to let go of the relationship baggage that has been weighing me down the last 10 years.  My mother recommended this book about Letting Go to me; Let It Go: Forgive So You Can Be Forgiven, by T. D. Jakes.  I ordered it and it arrived yesterday.  I plan on reading a bit of it a day and seeing how it goes.  Wish me luck!

Past, Present and Future…

Sometimes the past has a way smacking you in the face…when you least expect it.  During this holiday season I unexpectedly ran into an ex-boyfriend.  It was an awkward but nice encounter.  One thing I learned during our meeting is that my ex has completely moved on.  Not that I am sitting around at home and pining for him…because I am not!  I am also not dating and putting myself out there the way I should be.

One of my goals for 2012 is to be more social and do things that I normally would not do.  Because let’s keep it real…I would like to be partnered (and maybe even married) at some point in the future and I am not getting any younger.  But I know me and so I am going to take it one day at a time and start with New Year’s Eve.  I am going to force myself to go out and have fun…and then we will take it from there!

While I had an overall positive experience though awkward with the ex…the worst thing about this encounter is that I was not looking my best.  As one of my girlfriend’s said, “You have to stay ready at all times.”  That is another thing I want to work on in 2012…my overall appearance.  In 2012, I plan to continue working with my trainer; and while I have the exercise part down…I really need to get my diet in check!  So I am going to start a pretty restrictive diet with one of my friends.  I am hopeful that I will be able to sustain on this diet for at least two months!  That is my goal.

As 2011 ends…I am very thankful for all my life’s blessings and experiences.  Being able to spend the Holidays with my family has been a great way to end the year as well!  With that said, 2011 has been a pretty steady and successful year with most of the drama in my life relating to work and school.  I hope 2012 brings more of the same (with exciting changes and challenges) and even less of the dramatics.

Good Advice…

Just wanted to share…and this is something I really need to start practicing…because I really just shut down and/or shut people out…

“Have you ever been so angry with someone that you shut down on them? When you become so angry with a person that you want to shut them out of your life, you need to know that there is something going on with you that has nothing to do with them. At this level anger is a response to your own judgements; the failed satisfaction of your own expectations; your failed attempts to gain control or, your subconscious response to fear. If you want to establish and maintain peaceful relationships with other people, surrender all judgments of who they are and who they are not.” -Iyanla Vanzant

Holiday Fun and Learning to Let Go

I had an amazing Thanksgiving Holiday Weekend!!  The time away with my family was really needed.  Being home now, I realize that I miss and love them more and more each day.  I am a pretty lucky person as I have a great family!  I might not say it or think it all the time; however I am very thankful for the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, God has bestowed upon me.

I also got to spend some time with a few old friends…and even was hit up by an old flame.  You know, life sometimes is funny!  What is it about the Holidays that makes people nostalgic for days gone by…aka the past?

I know sometimes I am guilty of this; however I try my best and hardest not to actually make that phone call or send that text.  What’s the point?  An Ex is an Ex for a reason, right?  The funny thing is that this Ex has a particular pattern…I typically get a text message, email or note on facebook either around his birthday (which is in February) or my birthday and/or around Thanksgiving or Christmas.  He’s so predictable like that and I do not know if he is aware that A.) He has this pattern or B.) That I know about this pattern or C.) That I wish he would just leave me alone.

I know I ALWAYS have the option to not respond or engage in any kind of communication with him…however what fun would that be, right?  WRONG!!  I am slowly starting to realize that it is time to start letting go.  Not just of him, but of the old person I used to be and all of the things that come with it…such as old friends, memories (both good and bad), habits and behaviors.  There is a new ME emerging and I am quite excited about these new changes.  At least, most of the time, I am.

But I found a wonderful passage that helped me put things into perspective:

“In life, there’s many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves.

It’s easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you’ve formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it’s time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.

However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it’s necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.

Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it’ll serve as a roadblock to love.

Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming.“

Change can be a scary and isolating thing to experience; although it is needed from time to time.  I am hoping that the changes and decisions I am making now, will place me on a path of happiness and contentment.  As the year winds down…here’s to not waiting until New Year’s Eve to start making changes!!

Home Sweet Home…

This has been a pretty difficult week.  I have to say, I’ve never felt so alone, tired, stressed and unhappy.  The one bright spot this week was my family.  I’m so lucky to have the family that I have.  After I am done with graduate school, I am definitely moving back home.  Not to my mother’s house…but to the area where I was raised, went to college and found my way.  My family is there…my best friends are there…I was the happiest and at my best there.

Social support is clearly underrated…

Here I am all alone.  I really do not have many friends…correction…quality friends here.  Most people I would consider just acquaintances.  Someone told me this week, that I have too high of expectations for people.  Sad thing is…the only thing I expect from people is to treat me the way I have treated them.  If I have been a really good friend to you…I expect the same in return.  If I was there for you in your time of need…I expect the same in return.  If I flew cross-country for your wedding, spending a ton of money on a bridesmaid dress, hotel, shoes, hair and makeup…I expect you to be there for me.  If I send you a baby shower gift…I expect for you to call me and let me know you received it…let alone say thank you.  If you agree to be on a committee, council, or student government etc…I expect you to show up and not half-ass your job and then cite you do not have enough time to participate…then don’t sign up or resign your post and get the f*ck on!

I hate to be so negative…but I needed to vent…this week really sucked and I need a break from work and school.  However, as I watched the Hope for Haiti Now Telethon…I realized…my life could always be worse!!

So, I’m going to take this weekend to regroup and figure out a realistic plan for the next few months…